You Damn Dirty Motorcyclist!

Part One of Two

 

By, Stephen Pate

 

During last year I was lucky enough to produce a documentary film, whereby I met and interviewed thousands of motorcyclists who don't ride American made motorcycles. These folks, just like all motorcyclists, tend to be an extremely polarized and opinionated bunch. In talking off camera with these people, I noticed an unusual and somewhat disturbing pattern of behavior. For some odd reason, one constant subject I heard people brag about is how they, "Never clean their bikes"… and saying it proudly as if it was some sort of motorcycling badge of honor! The first hundred or so times I heard this comment, it didn’t really effect me. Sometime during the next several hundred times… it got me thinking.

 

I'm not exactly sure how the simple act of cleaning one's motorcycle has become a "statement", but it has. Even 'Rat Bikes' can be clean, so it became quite clear that these people felt the need to tell me this information so they could somehow differentiate themselves as "REAL" motorcyclists. Apparently, real motorcyclists don’t clean and/or polish their bikes. Man…if only I had known this sooner. I can’t imagine all the time and trouble this would have saved me! See, unless I had just come through some really bad weather or taken some off-road route, my bikes always looked well cared for and clean, because they were. In noticing this, some people would give me a judging look and then invariably feel the need to make some sideways comment about how "clean" my bike was. Immediately following up with a line like,

 

"I'd rather RIDE 'em than WASH 'em"

"If you WASH 'em, they have more PROBLEMS"

"If I want a CLEAN bike, I'll just buy a NEW one"

"I always ride in the RAIN… IT does the job"

"The only time you should get WATER on your bike is in the RAIN."

"If I wanted to POLISH my bike, I ride a damn Harley"

 

… and literally a hundred other comments that tried to justify what was essentially the neglect of their machines. Sometimes people said, "You must ride a 'Hardly Ableson too", or just, "You outta' be a Harley rider". I never heard this come from the mouth of someone on a Harley, so I came to the conclusion that it was not meant as a compliment. Apparently, there is a large and growing contingent of riders that have the misperception that a clean bike is a bike that isn’t ridden much. That might be true in some cases, but if these people had seen my odometer they probably wouldn't have made their snide remarks. During a 9-month period in 2003, I rode over 65,000 miles to my filming locations without one single breakdown or running issue of any kind.

… and I owe it all to Lemon Pledge, but more on that in a minute.

 

Bragging about not cleaning your machine is kind of like a mountain climber bragging about never checking their ropes. Don’t get me wrong… I am not advocating spending time cleaning your bike rather than riding it. However, my fundamental thoughts on the matter are that a clean bike is a safe bike, identifying problems before they occur is always a good idea and cleaning your bike should be part of your routine maintenance.

 

Just about every professional in motorsports will agree with this. I grew up during my teenage years living next to several professional drivers. The first thing every one of those guys taught me is that keeping your gear immaculate equates to exponentially increased safety. As much of a perfectionist as I might be… they all put me to shame. Before they had support crews and state of the art machines, they constantly had their hands on most every part on their vehicles. They showed me that the routine of cleaning keeps your eyes on the little things that can make the difference between winning and losing, or even life and death. Those loose fasteners, cracked welds, corroded electrical connections and frayed wires… they are the only things between you and a failure that could potentially result in your injury or death. You would not normally see some of them unless you were really going over your machine, cleaning it well enough to really examine the finer details. Almost every time I go over my bike to clean it, I find something small but important that requires fixing or adjusting that I would not have found otherwise.

 

So… at the risk of being made fun of with the the nickname "Lemon Pledge", here are a few simple and maybe unexpected things everyone can use to start keeping a closer eye on their motorcycles.

 

 

Pledge

 

Enough can not be said about the benefits of this product for a motorcycle. It's sort of like WD40 in that regard. However, the lemon variety is the only one worth using for this purpose. The lemon product seems to have a better non-destructive degreasing agent that we all need for bikes. A few years ago, I worked as the "motorcycle specialist", for a motorcycle and bicycle auction. Noted collectors and restorers repeatedly mentioned that it is the only thing they used for cleaning because it did not harm any vintage paint, metals, leather, rubber or plastics. Also, several motorcycle tour operators strongly recommend that all their customers pack a small can of it just to keep their helmets, visors and leathers clean.

 

Still, people have almost fallen down laughing when they see me spraying down my bike and helmet with Pledge after a couple days ride though the billions of mosquitoes and other winged nasties we have here in Minnesota. It helps dissolve acidic bug guts, road tar and unidentified gunk and grime very quickly. It is also an excellent lubricating layer to avoid dirt and other particles from scratching surfaces as you wipe them. One benefit of using it, (especially on your windshield and your helmet visor) is that it cleans effectively and leaves a fine film that aids in future cleaning without the need to reapply the product. The next couple of times you wipe down your visor and such, you can just use a soft rag and surfaces will quickly wipe clean and clear again. Also, it will help in the rain as it beads water somewhat. I use it over my normal auto cleaner wax product and it does a top rate job. It can even be used on chrome… if you have any.

 

Carry a little can of it in your luggage somewhere or under your seat. They sell it in smaller cans that will clean your entire bike and gear a couple of times over when you are on the road. It's just about the fastest way to do a wipe-down of all your bike's surfaces. It does a killer job on bodywork, wheels, seat, windshield, visor…even your leathers!

 

…AND using it regularly sure will make you stink pretty!

 

One added tip is to get some heavy weight terry cloth gloves and carry one at a time. These are available from many places, including auto detailing supply businesses. They will turn a 30 minute cleaning job into a 5 minute cleaning job, as you can simply run your hands across big surfaces and run your fingers into all the harder to reach places, around fork tubes, pipes, etc. You can use one glove on either hand so when one side is dirty, just flip it over to the other.

 

 

WD40

It's the Duct Tape of cleaner / lubricants. Amen!

You probably already know this miracle of miracles disperses water. It also can help remove paint, tar, bugs, and a myriad of other crap without any adverse affects. WD-40 can also be used on exposed radiator hoses to keep them pliable and on painted engines and drivetrains to keep them looking newer. It also works great when restoring black colored or painted parts and is great for cleaning colored dash and handlebar switches. IF you wax your bike, it's of great assistance removing wax from crevices in bodywork and components. Also, it is one of the best wheel cleaners regardless of what type of wheels you have.

 

Using this routinely can really cut down on the amount of hard cleaning you need do and it's great preventative maintenance for several things. I know many people who spray their bikes down with it after riding in the rain and swear by its regular use. Someone could say they're nuts for using it so much, but not me… I smell too much like Pledge to be judgmental.

 

 

No matter how, when, why or what you ride, I imagine every active motorcyclist would agree on taking care of equipment so that it takes care of you. Even if you are the kind of rider who does not service their own bike, don’t assume your dealer / mechanic does this sort of thing when they do it. It's up to you and only you to keep an eye on the details. Just routinely wiping everything down with products like the ones above will become a slippery slope… no pun intended. Getting in this habit will most likely motivate you to do more thorough cleanings and equipment checks that will make your rides even safer and more enjoyable. Heck, pretty soon you might even be riding a Harl... no wait, never mind!

 

So, now… quit reading about riding and go RIDE. Spring is here! Sell your car! Ride everywhere… ride in all kinds of weather… ride so much it hurts, but most importantly, get those bikes of yours completely filthy. Because, in part two I'll go much more in depth and offer up some tips for enhancing safety through routine cleaning. In the meantime, I'll be out riding… sniffing the air… searching for others with a lemon fresh scent.